Parent guide: Promoting Positive Behaviours (Updated for 2026)
- emilias918
- 4 hours ago
- 5 min read
Being a parent is an incredible journey, filled with magical moments that create a lifetime of memories. Alongside the joy, there can also be challenges – and supporting your child’s behaviour is often one of the most common (and sometimes stressful) ones.
Every child is unique. Some may display more challenging behaviours than others, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. Many parents experience similar worries, and support is always available.
To help, we’ve put together this practical guide to promoting positive behaviours, with guidance supported by the National Day Nurseries Association (NDNA).
Why do children display challenging behaviours?
Young children often display behaviours we find challenging when their needs aren’t being met. This might be because they are tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or struggling to communicate how they feel.
This is especially common when children are still developing their language skills. When they don’t yet have the words to express themselves, their feelings can come out through behaviour instead.
In these moments, it’s important to stay calm and view behaviour as communication. Responding with frustration or anger can unintentionally model that behaviour to your child, making it seem like an acceptable way to react.
Developmental Schemas
Many children also display repeated patterns of behaviour known as schemas. While these behaviours can sometimes appear negative or frustrating to adults, they are a natural and important part of child development.
These behaviours help children explore how the world works and should be supported safely rather than discouraged.
Unidentified needs
In some cases, challenging behaviour may be linked to additional or unidentified needs, such as speech and language delays, sensory differences, or physical needs (for example, a hearing impairment). Identifying these early can make a significant difference.
Behaviour management: a positive approach
Positive behaviour management focuses on teaching children to understand their feelings and actions, rather than punishing unwanted behaviour.
While there may be times when boundaries are needed to stop unsafe behaviour, the most effective approach is prevention – through praise, encouragement, and positive attention. Children thrive when they feel noticed and valued for making good choices.
10 tips to encourage positive behaviours
Be Consistent
Consistency helps children understand expectations. Try to respond to behaviour in similar ways so your child knows what is acceptable.
Provide Positive Role Models
Children learn by watching others. Modelling calm, respectful behaviour helps children learn how to manage their own actions and emotions.
Have Clear and Realistic Expectations
Simple, achievable rules support children’s understanding. For example: walking safely indoors, caring for toys, and keeping hands to themselves.
Positive Reinforcement
Praise and encouragement are powerful tools. Positive body language, a warm tone of voice, and specific praise help children recognise when they are doing the right thing.
Plan ahead
Changes to routine – even exciting ones – can feel unsettling. Preparing your child in advance helps them feel secure and reduces challenging behaviour.
Distraction
For younger children, redirecting attention to a different activity can quickly defuse unwanted behaviour.
Choices
Giving children choices helps reduce conflict and supports independence. For example, choosing between two outfits or deciding which toy to tidy first.
Problem-Solving
When your child comes to you with a problem, acknowledge their feelings first. Then ask, “How can we solve this together?” This builds confidence and emotional skills.
1, 2, 3 Magic
When asking your child to do something say: ‘I will count to three and then... (give an offer of a positive reward or alternatively a boundary)’. This gives children time to process what is being asked.
Structures and Routines
Predictable routines help children feel safe and secure, making positive behaviour more likely.
Working with your child’s nursery
Whatever nursery you’re registered with, your little one will have their own ‘key person’.
The role of the key person is to initially settle your child, share information, informing you about your child’s day.
If your child displays any unwanted behaviour the key person should inform you in private and depending on the issue you may be asked to sign an incident form. They will then discuss what might be causing this and the best way to curve the behaviour.
If you have any concerns or questions speak to your little one’s key person or nursery manager. They will be able to offer advice and further information.
Additional Needs
Children who have additional needs may have greater frustrations, especially if they do not have the words or signs to express themselves. This can sometimes result in tantrums, screaming, hurting others, breaking things, feeding problems and lack of sleep.
If you are worried about your child’s behaviour, seek further support by speaking with your nursery manager/key person or GP.
It is important that you work together and share information with the nursery, especially your child’s key person. The nursery will conduct observations that will also identify any triggers that may be affecting your child’s behaviour.
Supporting children’s behaviour is easier when everyone works together and implements the same strategies.
This provides consistency for your child and makes any strategy easier to implement at home as your child is used to the approach.
Additional Resources
FAQs
What is considered “challenging behaviour” in young children?
Challenging behaviour can include tantrums, hitting, biting, shouting, or refusing to follow instructions. These behaviours are often a child’s way of communicating unmet needs or big emotions.
Is my child’s behaviour normal for their age?
In most cases, yes. Young children are still learning how to manage emotions, communicate, and interact with others. Many behaviours are developmentally appropriate and improve with time and support.
How can I tell the difference between typical behaviour and something I should worry about?
If behaviours are frequent, intense, or affecting your child’s wellbeing or daily life, it’s a good idea to seek advice. Your nursery team or GP can help guide you.
What should I do during a tantrum?
Stay calm, keep your child safe, and acknowledge their feelings. Avoid lengthy explanations in the moment. Once your child has calmed down, you can talk about what happened and what might help next time.
How long does it take for behaviour strategies to work?
Consistency is key. Some strategies may show quick improvements, while others take time. It’s normal for progress to happen gradually.
How can nursery and home work together?
Sharing information, using the same language, and applying similar strategies helps children feel secure and understand expectations more clearly.
When should I seek professional support?
If you’re concerned about your child’s behaviour, development, or communication, speak to your nursery, health visitor, or GP. Early support can make a big difference.
Can changes at home affect behaviour?
Yes. Changes such as a new sibling, house move, or routine change can impact behaviour. Extra reassurance and consistency during these times can help.
What if my child has additional needs?
Children with additional needs may need tailored strategies and extra support. Nurseries can observe, identify triggers, and work closely with families and professionals to support each child effectively.
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