Parent Guide: Tantrums (updated for 2026)
- emilias918
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. While they can feel overwhelming in the moment, tantrums are a normal part of early childhood development.
Understanding why they happen – and how best to respond – can help you support your child calmly and confidently.
In this guide, we explore:
Why tantrums happen
How to reduce the likelihood of tantrums
What to do during and after a tantrum
When to seek additional support
Why do children have tantrums?
Tantrums are most common between the ages of 1 and 3, when children experience strong emotions but do not yet have the language, emotional regulation, or impulse control to express themselves calmly.
Young children’s brains are still developing. The areas responsible for emotional regulation, problem-solving, and self-control are not yet mature, which means children can quickly become overwhelmed.
Tantrums are often a child’s way of saying:
“I’m upset, frustrated, tired, or I need help – but I don’t know how to tell you yet.”
Tantrums can range from crying to shouting, kicking, hitting, throwing objects, or breath-holding.
Common triggers for tantrums
A tantrum is more likely to happen when a child is:
Tired or overstimulated
Hungry or thirsty
Unwell or uncomfortable
Experiencing strong emotions (frustration, anger, disappointment)
Facing change (starting nursery, moving house, changes to routine)
Unable to communicate what they want or need
Feeling a lack of control or independence
As children’s language, emotional understanding, and coping skills develop, tantrums usually reduce naturally over time.
How can you prevent tantrums?
While tantrums are a normal part of early development, there are things you can do to prevent these, including:
Positive reinforcement
Notice and praise behaviours you want to see more of. Children are more likely to repeat positive behaviour when it is acknowledged and encouraged. Click here for our guide to promoting positive behaviours.
Offer simple choices
Giving choices helps children feel a sense of control, for example:
“Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?”
“Shall we brush teeth before or after bath time?”
Keep boundaries clear and consistent
Clear, predictable boundaries help children feel safe and understand expectations.
Plan around your child’s needs
Try to avoid errands or challenging activities when your child is tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.
Prepare for changes
Give warnings before transitions, such as: “Five more minutes, then we’re leaving the park.” Visual timers can also help.
Use distraction and redirection
Young children often respond well to a change of focus, activity, or environment. For example, giving your little one a crafting activity to re-direct their energy.
Support independence and skill-building
Encourage your child to practise new skills (e.g. dressing, pouring, helping with cooking). Feeling capable can reduce frustration.
Consider flexibility where possible
Ask yourself: Is this a firm boundary, or can I offer a compromise?
What should you do during a tantrum?
Stay calm
Your response matters. Remaining calm helps your child feel safe and supported. Reacting with anger or shouting can escalate the situation and model the behaviour you are trying to reduce.
If you do lose your temper, it’s okay to apologise. This shows your child that everyone makes mistakes and models to them how to calm down.
Respond based on the cause
If your child is hungry or tired: meet the need (snack, rest, quiet time).
If your child wants attention: avoid reinforcing the tantrum with strong reactions.
If your child is overwhelmed: offer reassurance and space to calm.
Keep everyone safe
If your child is at risk of hurting themselves or others, move them to a safe, quiet space.
Use minimal language
During a tantrum, children are not ready to reason. Simple phrases such as:
“I’m here.”
“You’re safe.”
“I’ll help you when you’re calm.”
can be more effective than more lengthy explanations.
Follow through once calm
If the tantrum occurred because your child was asked to do something (e.g. brushing teeth), follow through with the expectation once they are calm. This teaches consistency.
What should you do after a tantrum?
Once your child has calmed down, this is a valuable learning moment.
Praise their recovery: “I like how you calmed yourself down.”
Offer comfort and reassurance: A cuddle or quiet time can help children feel secure.
Name feelings: “You were really frustrated when it was time to stop playing.”
Model coping strategies: Deep breaths, mindfulness, asking for help, or using words next time.
Avoid long lectures. Keep conversations short, supportive, and appropriate for their developmental stage.
When should you seek extra support?
Tantrums are usually a normal part of development, but extra support may be helpful if:
Tantrums are very frequent, intense, or long-lasting
Your child regularly hurts themselves or others
You feel overwhelmed, angry, or unsure how to respond
Your child has difficulties with communication or development
Speak with your nursery manager, key person, health visitor, or GP if you have concerns. Early support can make a big difference.
Tantrums and Children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND)
Some children experience tantrums more frequently or more intensely, particularly if they have additional needs such as speech and language delays, sensory processing differences, autism, ADHD, or developmental delays.
For these children, tantrums are often a response to feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood, or unable to communicate their needs — rather than a behavioural choice.
Children may find it harder to manage changes, cope with busy or noisy environments, or express emotions verbally. Supportive, predictable routines, clear communication, and calm adult responses can make a significant difference.
If you feel tantrums are becoming difficult to manage, or are impacting daily life, speaking to your health visitor, GP, or early years setting can help you access tailored support. Early guidance is about understanding your child’s needs and helping them feel safe and supported as they develop emotional regulation skills.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are tantrums normal?
Yes. Tantrums are a very common part of early childhood and are a typical stage of development, particularly between the ages of 1 and 3.
At this age, children experience strong emotions but do not yet have the language or emotional regulation skills to express how they feel calmly.
Tantrums are not a sign of bad behaviour – they are a sign that your child is still learning how to manage frustration and big feelings.
Should I ignore tantrums?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on why the tantrum is happening.
If a tantrum is attention-seeking and your child is safe, calmly ignoring the behaviour while staying nearby can help avoid reinforcing it.
However, if your child is overwhelmed, tired, hungry, unwell, or distressed, they will need reassurance and support rather than being ignored. Children always need to feel safe and emotionally supported, even when boundaries are being held.
Do tantrums mean I’m doing something wrong as a parent?
No. Tantrums are not caused by poor parenting. They are part of how children’s brains develop. Responding calmly and consistently helps children feel secure and teaches them how to manage their emotions over time.
Even experienced and responsive parents will see tantrums – what matters most is how supported a child feels while learning to cope.
Will tantrums stop?
Yes. As children grow and develop stronger language skills, emotional understanding, and coping strategies, tantrums usually reduce naturally.
With patience, clear boundaries, and supportive adult responses, children learn healthier ways to express their feelings and deal with frustration.
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