Parent Guide: Learning to Share (Updated for 2026)
- 12 hours ago
- 4 min read
Learning to share is a big milestone in early childhood — and one that often comes with big feelings. In this guide, we explore why sharing matters and how you can support your child in a way that feels fair, respectful, and developmentally appropriate.
Why sharing doesn’t come naturally at first
Sharing is caring is a phrase many children hear early on, but for under 5s, sharing is not instinctive — it’s a skill that develops over time.
Young children are still learning:
That other people have thoughts and feelings separate from their own
How to wait, take turns, and manage disappointment
How to express needs with words rather than actions
Research highlighted in early years guidance shows that children under 3 are often developmentally unable to understand sharing in the way adults expect. What looks like not sharing is usually normal self-protection, focus, or emotional overwhelm — not unkindness.
Why learning to share does matter
Although it takes time, sharing plays an important role in helping children:
Build friendships and social confidence
Learn turn-taking and patience
Cope with frustration and disappointment
Begin to understand fairness and empathy
Children learn these skills best when sharing is encouraged, not forced. When children feel pressured to give something up before they are ready, sharing can feel unfair — which can actually make them less willing to share in the future.
Let children explore sharing at their own pace
Allowing children to experience both sharing and not sharing helps them learn:
That their feelings and choices matter
How to negotiate and compromise
That generosity feels good when it’s voluntary
Over time, this builds genuine kindness rather than compliance.
Practical ways to support sharing at home
Lead by example
Children learn most from what they see. When they watch adults share food, take turns, or talk kindly about compromise, they absorb these behaviours naturally.
You might say:
“I’ll share this with you.”
“You can have a turn when I’m finished.”
This shows sharing as a normal, positive choice — not an obligation.
Encourage positive behaviour with praise
When you notice your child sharing, acknowledge it clearly and calmly.
For example: “That was kind of you to share your toy with Alex. Did you notice how happy it made them?”
Specific praise helps children connect their actions with how others feel, encouraging them to share again because it feels good — not because they expect a reward.
Teach ways to say 'no'
Children also need language for moments when they don’t want to share.
Helpful phrases include (depending on their stage of development):
“I’m still playing with this.”
“You can have a turn when I’m finished.”
This supports healthy boundaries, confidence, and mutual respect.
Guide rather than solve
When adults step in too quickly, children miss valuable learning opportunities.
Instead of telling children exactly what to do, try gentle prompts:
“You both want the same toy — what could we do?”
“How can we make this work for everyone?”
This encourages problem-solving, communication, and cooperation.
Sharing is optional
Adults are allowed to finish using something before passing it on — and children deserve the same respect.
Forcing a child to share can lead to feelings of anger or resentment, which makes future sharing less likely. When children feel their choices are respected, they are more open to generosity later.
Make exceptions when needed
It’s okay for children not to share:
A special comfort toy
Something they are deeply focused on
When they are tired, hungry, or overwhelmed
Giving children some control helps sharing feel safe and positive rather than stressful.
Books that support learning about sharing
Stories are a wonderful way to explore social situations together. Some great options include:
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age do children begin to share?
Sharing usually begins to develop between 3 and 4 years old, as children gain language skills, emotional awareness, and impulse control. Before this age, difficulties with sharing are completely normal.
Should I make my child share with other children?
It’s best to encourage rather than force sharing. Gentle guidance, clear boundaries, and modelling respectful behaviour help children learn far more effectively than insisting they give something up immediately.
Should I be concerned if my child refuses to share?
In most cases, no. It’s very common for young children to want to hold onto toys or activities they’re enjoying. Learning to share takes time, especially in the toddler and preschool years when children are still developing language, emotional regulation, and an understanding of fairness.
However, it may be helpful to seek advice if your child becomes consistently very distressed or unable to recover after sharing situations — or if difficulties with sharing sit alongside challenges with communication, social interaction, or managing emotions more broadly.
If you’re unsure, speaking with your nursery team, health visitor, or GP can provide reassurance and guidance. Often, small adjustments and consistent support make a big difference.
How does nursery support sharing?
In early years settings, practitioners support sharing through:
Turn-taking games and group play
Modelling calm language and problem-solving
Supporting children to express needs and emotions
Allowing children time to finish activities before passing resources on
This consistent, respectful approach helps children build skills naturally.
What if my child really struggles with sharing?
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